went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
