Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
