Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
