No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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