I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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