I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
