In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
