So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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