Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
