The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm passing your future prison.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
