All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize