he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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