soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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