You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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