If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So here I am, sexting at work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
