If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
