Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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