She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
