that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
