So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
