Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
