He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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