on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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