i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
