Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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