I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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