I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
