The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
