This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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