Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
