That's intense
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
