So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
