I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
