Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
