Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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