i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Randomize
