Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize