Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
