So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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