i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
