Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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