I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
