you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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