I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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