Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
