so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
