Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
