you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
