Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
