Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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