My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
3pm strippers are depressing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
