I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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