to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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