you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize