I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
