So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
thus making me awesome and them whores
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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