Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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