If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
