Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
