Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
