Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
