I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
