Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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