My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
