Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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