yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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