Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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