We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
pray to the hookup gods
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
