bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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