Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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