Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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