Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
