I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
