guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
