We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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