Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
