I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
