If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
