doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
