I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
