Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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