I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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