I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
