Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
