the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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