If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
