I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ttyl tear gas
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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