Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying

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(317): View more from Indiana

His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game

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(626): View more from California

How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night

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(530): View more from California

Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?

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(309): View more from Illinois

If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.

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