I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
