operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
