moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize