When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
