so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize