I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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