Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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