So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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