Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
