I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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